CRUISE IN GRAND LINE

 

 mum told me that she's sick, but she refuses to go to hospital for all reasons.

 i'm abandoned by dad already, and about to carry a lot debts.

 what would my life be like if i lose my mum now.

 what's the meaning of being in this stupid world anyway.

 

 

 

  Thanks my dear floormate, for introducing positive psychology to me :D

 

  Thanks for making me understand that hating the whole world and being mad all the time is totally useless.

  Thanks for reminding me that i have all the control over the inside, and i have the potential of a positive impact on the outside world.

  Thanks for picking up all the pieces and bring me back to life.

 

  Though people are still dying out there, and the lived are to live the rest of their life with pieces missing.

  Though many things, which i used to see as solutions, turn out to be ugly tools for the interest of a tiny little small group of people.

  Though people's greed can never be fed, and they are killing each other in this way or that.

  Though death, blood, tear, lies, violence are everywhere thoughout this cursed 2008.

  Though my family issue still hangs there.

 

  I'm to stop playing the angry child, not any more.

  Coz i see hope, i have hope and i believe in hope itself.

  I learnt that staying alive is amazing, whether i managed to pass AFA and graduate on time or not, god knows :P

  I owe tons of "Thank you", to my frineds, to my mum, to my hometown, to my schools, to my community, to the world.

  Tommorow's always a good day, as long as u have the sun in your heart.

 

  Finally, LET'S KILL BP AND ENJOY OUR LAST SUMMER XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

 

 

  

 

dont know how long i can keep pretending and lying to myself and everybody.

there is one pretty ugly part of me that i want to hide forever, from people and myself. i did hide, and got it hidden so well for this semester.

but somehow i think i've come to my limit and i cant just leave my bad emotion alone, and ignore their existance anymore. they are coming up all the time.

i do hope i would not affect any of my friends in a bad way. but if i did, please forgive me ar!

may sun shine.

 

LISTEN!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!

GOD IS MY WITNESS!!

IF YOU GOT MY MUM KILLED, I WOULD MAKE YOU PAY, HEAVILY!!

NOW, YOU GOT MY DAD, YOU ARE RUININNG MY FAMILY, TEARING IT APART!

AND YOU ARE RUINING MY FUTURE, AND LEFT ME TONS OF DEBT, WHICH SHOULD BE YOURS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DONT CARE ANYMORE!

I DONT CARE FOR A FUTURE! I DONT CARE FOR HAPPINESS! I DONT CARE FOR WHAT THE SOCIETY THINK!

I SWEAR!

 IF YOU DARE HURT MY FAMILY ANY MORE, I WOULD MAKE YOU PAY, AT ANY COST!

TELL YOU WHAT, IM NOT SCARE OF DEATH. COZ I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE WHEN MY MUM IS IN LIVE HELL.

 

I WOULD NEVER FIRGIVE YOU, THOUGH I THOUGHT I WOULD THREE DAYS AGO.

I CAN UNDERSTAND UR GREED. BUT GREED IS NOT A SUFFICIENT REASON FOR YOU TO KILL AND RUIN YOUR LIFELONG FRIEND'S FAMILY!

I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME HATE MY DAD! HATE MY FAMILY NAME! HATE MY BLOOD!

I'LL SURVIVE EVEN THERE'S ONLY ME IN THE WORLD. I WONT DIE THAT EASILY LIKE MY DAD.

YOU'LL SEE.

F*CK THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

  everyday i feel myself getting older.

  everyday i got to see more, hear more and feel more.

  the more i know, the worse i'm getting.

  gradually, i lose faith in friendship.

  gradually, i lose faith in family.

  gradually, i lose faith in money.

  gradually, i lose faith in sth that i once believe could bring me a future.

  the more i lose, the easier i become happy.

  coz im not important.

  im not important.

  im not important.

  im not important.

  im not important.

  im not important.

  im just an ant.

  a tiny little ant, secretly wishing one day i can change the world a little bit.

 

 

 

reading week's coming lol!!

really looking forward to the 厦门 trip! XDDD,

thou i got not much money and 3 midterms +2 presentations right after reading week, all group in one week, killing > <

 

last weekend, went to cheung chau with frds.

raining.

no umbrella and got wet then dry then wet then dry again.

when back hall, all dry again, like nth happened.

everything happened and seemed nth happened  at all. so sad :(

but i do miss hiking.

not born for the city and the crowd.

 

got call from Hellen, she says CAO job starts again.

she's so nice that i do want to work one more year for her

why im final year now > <

 

many frds planning trips for reading week instead of cramming for exams.

last 12 weeks before uni life ends, what do i really need to get out of uni?

hope it's not grade, coz it would be really suck this sem... 

plzzzz dun F me, and hope i wont be asking too much, i reli wanna pass 2 @_@

 

i need frds, i need snacks, i need my mobile, i need msn....

i dun need tmr. just give me today, i'll be the happiest person on earth.

 

 

 

cant believe we burnt floor soup today > <  sorry to all girls.

 

and i sat on my glasses and smashed it.

 

i can never figure out what's going on for management of commercial bank course while homework due tmr.

 

i ran into my boss form CAO, which job i have dumped without noticing them.

 

and my mum called telling me that hope is fading.

 

omg, today is so not my day, sign...

 

where is tmr?　i dun have a clue

i just keep telling myself, keep smiling, and dun think abt tmr, there's only today.

i mean, i may die tmr, or any time, all i want is that i can die smiling.